Well, going crazy is one answer. I've been trying to plan this trip to the U.S. for August, then trying to figure out what to do employment wise. As the American economy continues to choke and sputter, I've got pretty much nothing coming in these days. I looked around here in Jerusalem, and let's just say that there are plenty of options for me to pursue. I've actually been turning down offers and interviews for the time being, because I'm working on this project which may turn into a startup company. It's exciting, but we (the team I'm working with and I) are also under a lot of pressure to produce a report to start fundraising in the next couple of weeks. It means I'm incredibly busy. On the one hand, it's exhilarating to be a part of something new like this, and investing my time in something that might really pan out. On the other hand, working like crazy for non-monetary compensation can be a bit nerve wracking when you are sinking financially.
Between the startup thing, and planning my trip to the U.S., never mind the misery of the dating life, I've been falling deeper and deeper into a stressed-out zombie state. Still an inspired zombie, but a zombie none the less. It culminated about a week and a half ago, when I was lying in my bed wide awake until about 4 AM, every now and then getting really upset and punching the wall (fortunately they're made out of concrete here.)
Yeshivah started out as a one-hour per day commitment. Pretty soon I was in for two or so. Then, I started the beginning Gemara (Talmud) class and it bumped up to three. After that, I moved up to the advanced level, and was suddenly in for four hours a day. Meanwhile, I started falling further and further behind with the rest of my life. Hence the stress-out.
I finally decided something had to give. So I've had to cut back on the blogging, and I decided to take some time off from Yeshivah. After a week, I was slowly getting my head above water. Yesterday morning, one of the Rabbis called and said he noticed I hadn't been around in class for a week. Then another one called asking if everything is okay. I was really touched. Today, I finally made it back in after a week and a half of absence, and everyone was genuinely glad to see me. I talked it over with some of the rabbis, and we figured out how I can cut back on my shiur (class) time a bit, and cut back on chevruta (study partner learning) and still make it into shiur. It should cut back my learning to about 2-3 hours per day instead of the 4-5 I've been doing recently. Of course, the level of my learning is not at the level the 4-5 hour commitment would be, but hey, at least I'm still in the game, even if I'm not as high-scoring. So, we're going to see if I can handle it this way, and go from there. Unfortunately my blogging may also be cut back for a bit, but I'll still post and keep everyone abreast of the situation here. Feels good to be back on some sort of track though.